Understanding Intimate Partner Violence for Teens

First relationships are full of surprises. Everything is fresh, everything is exciting, and part of the fun is seeing what each new day and phase brings. Dating as a teenager or young adult can also be a bit stressful, though. You might not have much to compare your relationship to—other than observing your parents or what you see on social media—so it can be tough to determine if something is “normal” or not. Each partnership has its own unique dynamic, but dating violence never has a place in a respectful relationship.

Dating violence is a type of intimate partner violence that can occur in person, online, or via other forms of technology. When you hear the term “violence,” you might automatically think of physical violence, but there are actually three additional ways that a person’s partner can influence their health, happiness, and overall quality of life.

The four main types of dating violence

🌻Physical violence

When someone uses physical force to hurt or attempt to hurt a partner.

🌻Sexual violence

Forcing or attempting to force a partner to engage in a sex act when they don’t consent, are unable to consent, or refuse. This also includes non-physical sexual behaviors like sharing sexual messages or photos from a partner without their consent.

🌻Psychological abuse

Verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to emotionally harm and exert control over a partner.

🌻Stalking

A pattern of repeated and unwanted attention by a current or former partner that causes safety concerns for you or your loved ones.

Millions of students experience physical abuse from a dating partner each year, yet only 33% of teens in an abusive relationship ever tell anyone about the abuse. This article offers signs of an unhealthy relationship, how it affects your mental health, and how to leave a partnership that has grown toxic.

Healthy teen relationships vs. unhealthy teen relationships

Healthy relationships are built upon mutual respect, trust, and honesty. You might not always agree on what movie to watch or maybe you sometimes wish your partner would get new friends, but you both see the importance of communication and compromise. Unhealthy relationships, on the other hand, are defined by disrespect and control. There's no one specific behavior that causes a relationship to be categorized as abusive or unhealthy, but there are certain signs that should raise red flags.

Signs of an abusive relationship

If you’re wondering if you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship, take a look at this list of unhealthy or abusive behaviors.

🌻Extreme jealousy or insecurity
🌻Invasions of privacy or constantly checking in to see what you're doing
🌻Bullying, threatening, or physical violence
🌻Preventing you from spending time with other people
🌻 Pressuring you into unwanted sexual activity
🌻Explosive temper, unusual mood swings, or unexpected bouts of anger
🌻Blaming you for problems in the relationship without taking any responsibility
🌻Falsely accusing you of things

What are the consequences of an unhealthy relationship?

Being in an abusive relationship can have some serious consequences, both in the short term and down the line. Teens who experience dating violence are more likely to suffer from:

🌻Depression and anxiety
🌻Tobacco, marijuana, and alcohol misuse
🌻Suicidal thoughts

Having a violent partner during adolescence has also been linked to poor academic performance, negative body image, and antisocial behaviors, like theft, lying, and bullying. In some cases, abusive teen relationships can even lead to death—especially for females. A study from 2019 found that teen dating violence poses a risk of homicide for adolescent girls, especially related to a breakup or jealousy and when partners have access to firearms.

How to leave an unhealthy relationship

If you think that you or a loved one are in an abusive relationship, the time to seek help is now. Research shows that abusive behaviors in unhealthy relationships are more likely to increase over time, and abuse tends to worsen as the relationship progresses.

Today, only about one-third of teens who are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship confide in someone. The reasons that teens stay in these relationships vary, but some of the most common are that they're ashamed of the situation, intimidated into staying in the relationship, they lack the resources to leave, or they’re not sure where to seek help. This goes without saying, but we’re here to remind you that the situation is not your fault. Being on the receiving end of jealousy, threats, and anger can influence your decision-making skills, and it’s completely understandable to be concerned about how your partner might react.

🌻Create a safety plan so that you’re prepared for anything. A safety plan is designed to prioritize your safety during an abusive relationship, as you prepare to end it, or after you leave an abusive situation. These practical plans help you to explain your situation to others and include various resources suited to your individual circumstances. Learn how to create your own safety plan based on your daily routine, technology habits, and emotions.

🌻Confide in a trusted family member, friend, teacher, or mentor for support and guidance.

🌻Spend more time with other people you care about (and who care about you back). It can be tough to talk about relationship abuse, so staying in touch with friends and family members is crucial for emotional support.

🌻Connect with a counselor or therapist for professional mental health support.

The Long-Term Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse, a type of emotional abuse inflicted by someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or narcissistic traits, can fundamentally change a victim’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. People with NPD or narcissistic tendencies often lack empathy and use manipulation or emotional blackmail tactics—ranging from gaslighting to love bombing—to boost their self-esteem and meet their needs.

This manipulative and exploitative behavior can take a long-term toll on a victim’s well-being, resulting in emotional trauma, physical health concerns, and more (a constellation of symptoms referred to as narcissistic victim syndrome or narcissistic abuse syndrome).

5 long-term effects of narcissistic abuse

Narcissistic abuse can take on many forms, ranging from emotional and psychological abuse to financial and verbal abuse. All of these forms of abuse can have severe and lasting impacts on a victim’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being—symptoms that are part of narcissistic victim syndrome or narcissistic abuse syndrome.

Low self-esteem

Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and insidious impact on a person’s self-esteem. The constant barrage of narcissistic manipulation, criticism, and belittlement from a narcissistic person can gradually wear down the victim’s sense of self-worth. As the abuse continues, the victim may start to believe the hurtful things the narcissist says, feeling worthless and flawed. In the long term, a victim may fear making mistakes and doubt their abilities, which hampers their growth.

Relationship issues

Narcissistic abuse can significantly impact a victim’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. They might struggle to trust others, have trouble setting boundaries, and feel unsure of themselves because of the damaging effects of narcissistic abuse. This can cause long-term communication problems and lead to repeating unhealthy relationship patterns.

Mental health issues

Narcissistic abuse often causes emotional trauma, which can deeply affect a victim’s mental health over time. Like other forms of psychological abuse and emotional abuse, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Victims may also struggle with regulating emotions, leading to mood swings, anger outbursts, or emotional numbness as a result of these mental health issues.

Physical health problems

The mental health impacts of narcissistic abuse are also tied to long-term physical health problems for victims stemming from the well-researched mind-body connection. These emotions can lead to sleep disruptions, headaches, muscle tension, and stomach problems. In some instances, victims may also neglect their health, adopting unhealthy habits like poor diet and substance abuse to cope with the narcissistic abuse.

Difficulty functioning

In more severe instances, the lasting effects of narcissistic abuse can make it hard for someone to manage daily tasks and enjoy life. They might struggle to keep a job because of feelings of inadequacy or anxiety from past abuse. It can also be tough for them to form and maintain healthy relationships and develop their identity, causing isolation and, in some instances, suicidal thoughts.

The long-term effects of childhood narcissistic abuse

While there are similarities in the long-term effects of narcissistic abuse across different types of relationships, narcissistic abuse within the parent-child relationship can have particularly profound and lasting implications for the child’s development and well-being. A narcissistic parent (or another family member who is a caregiver) holds authority and influence over a child. Since children depend on their caregivers, they are particularly vulnerable to abuse from a narcissistic mother or father. Also, a narcissistic parent’s abusive or manipulative behavior can intensify a child’s feelings of helplessness and dependency.Abuse by a narcissistic father or mother can also impair a child’s development of essential interpersonal skills, such as empathy and communication, making it challenging for them to form healthy relationships and navigate social interactions. Plus, growing up with a narcissistic caregiver or family member can disrupt a child’s attachment style, resulting in relational difficulties in adulthood and the development of an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style.

Signs of narcissistic abuse

The first step in healing from narcissistic abuse is acknowledging that it’s happening. Long-term narcissistic abuse, though, can make it hard for a person to identify or name their experience. Also, people with narcissistic tendencies are often manipulative and may twist reality to suit their needs, leading victims to feel like they deserve the emotional abuse or caused it themselves (which is not true).

Constant criticism

The narcissist constantly points out your flaws — how you look, speak, or behave — in ways that feel demeaning. Example: “You’re so sensitive. No one else would ever put up with you.” Even small mistakes turn into long lectures about how you’re a failure.

Emotional, financial, or social exploitation

They take from you — your time, energy, money, or connections — without giving anything back or showing appreciation. Example: They borrow money and never repay it or expect you to cancel plans to help them, yet disappear when you need support.

Lack of empathy

They don’t care how their actions affect you. Your pain or struggles are dismissed or mocked. Example: You open up about a bad day and they say, “Stop whining. You don’t know what real problems are.”

Manipulative behavior

They twist your words, guilt-trip you, or use the silent treatment to get their way. Example: After yelling at you, they say, “You made me do it. If you didn’t act so selfish, I wouldn’t have to be like this.”

Isolation from others

They slowly distance you from friends and family so you rely only on them for connection and validation. Example: “Your best friend is jealous of us. You shouldn’t hang out with her anymore.” Over time, you find yourself completely alone.

Frequent boundary violations

You set clear boundaries, and they ignore or mock them. They feel entitled to invade your privacy, space, or decisions. Example: You ask them not to read your messages — they do it anyway and say, “If you weren’t hiding anything, it wouldn’t matter.”

Blame-shifting and deflection

They never accept responsibility and always turn the tables. You end up apologizing for things they did. Example: They cheat, but blame you for “not being attentive enough” or “pushing them away.”

Emotional highs and lows (rollercoaster)

They alternate between affection and cruelty. One day they’re charming, the next they’re cold or explosive. For example, after a fight, they shower you with gifts or apologies, only to mistreat you again once things settle.

If these patterns are familiar to you, you may be the victim of an unhealthy narcissistic relationship.

Remember: it’s never your fault if a narcissistic family member, narcissistic partner, or other narcissistic person in your life mistreats you. You deserve to be treated with respect—always.

Healing from the long-term effects of narcissistic abuse requires time, effort, and support. After acknowledging that you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse and understanding that the effects you’re experiencing are valid trauma responses, there are other steps you can take to heal. Here are some steps that can help in the healing process:

❃ Seek therapy
❃ Set boundaries
❃ Practice self-care
❃ Build support networks
❃ Forgive yourself

Consider therapy with a qualified mental health professional who has experience in treating trauma and narcissistic abuse. Therapy can provide a safe space to process your experiences, learn coping strategies, and work through any lingering trauma. Practice setting and enforcing healthy boundaries in your relationships (especially in a narcissistic relationship). Learning to say no and prioritizing your own needs is essential for rebuilding self-esteem and protecting yourself from further harm.

Engage in activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, pursuing hobbies, and connecting with supportive friends and family members. Surround yourself with understanding and supportive people who validate your experiences and provide encouragement. Basically, think of someone who you have a healthy relationship with and prioritize spending time with them.

Joining support groups or online communities for survivors of narcissistic abuse can also be a chance to gain support and learn what developing a healthy relationship looks like. Let go of any self-blame or shame you may be carrying and forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes or shortcomings. Remember that you were not responsible for the abuse inflicted upon you—narcissistic abuse is the responsibility of narcissists or people with narcissistic tendencies.