Narcissism tracked from young adulthood to middle age

The belief that one is smarter, better looking, more successful and more deserving than others -- a personality trait known as narcissism -- tends to wane as a person matures, a new study confirms. But not for everyone, and not to the same extent.

The study, reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, finds that the magnitude of the decline in narcissism between young adulthood and middle age is related to the specific career and personal relationship choices a person makes.

The research tracked participants across two time points. The first occurred when they were 18 and just starting out as freshmen at the University of California, Berkeley. The second was 23 years later, when participants were 41 years old. Of the original 486 participants, 237 completed a new round of evaluations.

Participants at both time points answered questions from a survey designed to assess their narcissistic traits. For the follow-up study, researchers also asked about relationship and employment history, job satisfaction, and health and well-being.

"We looked at the different facets of narcissism in adults at age 18 and again at 41," said Eunike Wetzel, a professor of psychology at Otto-von-Guericke University in Magdeburg, Germany, who led the research with University of Illinois psychology professor Brent Roberts; Emily Grijalva, an organizational behavior professor at Washington University in St. Louis; and Richard Robins, a psychology professor at the University of California, Davis. "We focused on participants' vanity, the belief in their own leadership qualities and their tendency tofeel entitled."

Each facet of narcissism was associated with several negative -- and in a few cases, positive -- outcomes for the individual, the researchers found. Those who had higher levels of vanity at age 18 were prone to unstable relationships and marriages, and were more likely to be divorced by middle age. But they also reported better health at age 41. In contrast, those who felt the most entitled as young adults reported more negative life events and tended to have lower well-being and life satisfaction at middle age.

"We originally hypothesized that the leadership facet of narcissism would increase," Roberts said. "In fairness to my co-authors, that hypothesis was mine, and it turns out I was wrong."

Leadership is associated with goal persistence, extraversion, self-esteem and a desire to lead. It is considered one of the least pathological elements of narcissism, Roberts said.

"We know from past research that another component of personality, assertiveness, tends to increase during this time of life," he said. "So, I thought it was reasonable to hypothesize a similar increase in the leadership facet. This either means the past research is wrong, or our read of the leadership component of narcissism is wrong -- it may actually be more negative than we thought. We have to figure this out in future research."

Vanity appeared to be most strongly linked to life events, the researchers found. For example, vanity declined more in those who entered into serious romantic relationships and those with children. But vanity declined significantly less in middle-aged adults who had experienced more negative life events than their peers.

"We also found that narcissistic young adults were more likely to end up in supervisory jobs 23 years later, suggesting that selfish, arrogant individuals are rewarded with more powerful organizational roles," Grijalva said. "Further, individuals who supervised others decreased less in narcissism from young adulthood to middle age -- meaning that supervisory roles helped maintain prior levels of narcissism."

Despite the differences between individuals, most of the participants who responded to researchers' questions again at age 41 saw a decline in narcissism as they matured, the researchers found.

"Very few people, only 3% of participants, actually increased in overall narcissism between the ages of 18 and 41," Wetzel said. "And some remained just as narcissistic at age 41 as they had been when they were 18 years old."

"The findings should bring comfort to those who are concerned that young people are problematically narcissistic," Roberts said. "With time, it seems most people turn away from their earlier narcissistic tendencies."

Source: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, News Bureau

Why Therapy is Important for Trauma Survivors

When considering the healing process for trauma and abuse victims, the idea of therapy may lead to some eyebrow raising. In the long term, however, therapy has undeniable benefits for these individuals. While therapy does not give you instant relief like regular medication, it is a tool to learn strength, confidence, and preventative information over time so that you never find yourself in an abusive situation again. Other benefits for victims of trauma include a better understanding and validation of one’s feelings, and rebuilding confidence so you can move on in life.

Therapy occurs in many forms, such as group therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (which I am currently trying out), and mindfulness-based therapy. You can choose whichever one works for you according to your preferences, as long as you take a leap of faith and try it out.

Remembering that therapy is an ongoing process is important. You will not see many of its benefits right away, since healing from abuse requires time and work. For the most effective therapy, you need to be focused, willing to be vulnerable, and ready to participate in communication and self-help with the assigned “homework.”

Why Go to Therapy?

After attending therapy a few times, I found that it helps me understand more about myself and why I react uniquely in different situations, depending on events in my past. It also allows me to analyze the shame I often feel regarding past abusive experiences. For trauma victims, walking around with shame can cause anxiety and depression. Feeling like a shell of a person, you no longer feel like yourself, yet you badly yearn to return to the way life was before the abuse. Unfortunately, that is not possible, which is why learning to cope with your symptoms and getting help as soon as possible after experiencing trauma is paramount.

Understand/Validate your Feelings!

One of therapy’s benefits for trauma victims is how it teaches them to interpret their feelings and emotions, which can lead to the next step in the healing process. Validating those feelings and emotions can also promote self-confidence in oneself, a key element in building up the mental strength to leave behind past abuse. Since abuse victims usually believe that their emotional responses are unreliable, affirmations from unbiased outsiders like therapists can hugely impact victims’ mental well-being in a positive manner.

What are the Signs of Abuse?

A second reason therapy is helpful is that it educates victims on signs of abuse as a precaution for future, potentially dangerous circumstances. Moving past traumatic experiences includes learning how to discern appropriate and inappropriate behaviors in relationships. Being in an abusive relationship can induce self-doubt, which is detrimental to a victim in the process of healing.

Therapy can teach you what to look out for in a relationship that exhibits signs of domestic violence. Some of these signs are: discouraging you from seeing family and friends, shaming you verbally and psychologically, and controlling your whereabouts at all times.

Rebuild Confidence in Yourself!

A final reason to go to therapy is that it rebuilds your self-confidence and reminds you of who you once were. To avoid abuse, trauma survivors normally try to please their partners by catering to their desires and conforming to their ideals. Sadly, you can you lose yourself in this process of making the other person happy. Therapy can help you remember who you are and who you want to be after having experienced the abuse. It offers you a safe space to be who you want to be, to say what you want to say, and most importantly, to express your emotions and feelings without repercussions.

These are just a few reasons on why therapy is important for abuse survivors. Remember, therapy is not a magic pill-it cannot immediately remove the memories or feelings you hold of past trauma. However, by giving you tips on how to rewire your brain and think differently of your situation, therapy allows you to process trauma so that it no longer negatively affects you nor holds you back in life.

How to Process Emotional Trauma and Move Forward from Past Domestic Violence

Emotional abuse is very devastating, and in some cases, can be more traumatic than physical abuse. Bruises and broken bones heal and leave visible scars, but for some, emotional abuse can linger, shaping them later in life and leaving invisible scars. For emotional abusers, there are no particular targets. Abuse does not depend on gender, class, education, ethnicity, or political affiliations, showing up in any household imaginable. Most emotional and physical abusers are narcissists and psychopaths who display no empathy and are massively self-centered.

For survivors, staying out of emotionally abusive relationships can be difficult. This is especially true when abusers manipulate your emotions by acting kindly or expressing a longing to get back together. Unfortunately, the likelihood of their narcissistic or psychopathic tendencies changing is low, so leaving and getting the help you need to start healing is the best thing you can do.

How Emotional Abuse Affects the Brain

According to recent studies, chronic stress resulting from emotional abuse or any other kind of trauma releases cortisol. This is a stress hormone that can damage and affect the growth of the hippocampus, which is the main area of the brain associated with learning and memory. This leads to mental diagnoses like depression, anxiety, PTSD and C-PTSD. PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is the result of a traumatic event or a series of events. C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is “the result of persistent psychological trauma within an environment in which the victim believes there’s no possibility of escape.” Another damaging effect on the brain from long-term abusive relationships can be Stockholm’s Syndrome, in which victims identify with their abusers and can even defend the abusers’ actions.

How to Heal After Getting Out of an Abusive Relationship

The fallout of a relationship marred by domestic violence can include harassment, attacks, or both. The ongoing mental trauma and emotional stress that follows can lead survivors to ask if leaving was worth the effort. A victim’s self-esteem is often extremely low at this point because of the abuser’s destructive work in their lives. If a survivor tries to rush recovery, this may result in depression, anxiety, and self-judgment. Because abuse is rooted in power and control, breaking away from the mindset that the abuser imposes in the victim is hard even if the survivor has already left the relationship.

Rebuilding your life will take time, but finding closure and peace is possible. Below are some steps to take to transition from victim to survivor:

1. Cutting off all contact with your ex is your first step
2. Surround yourself with support
3. Take care of yourself
4. Remember that healing takes time
5. Tell yourself the truth, don’t be in denial
6. Exercise
7. Journaling

During this process of healing, you may feel like you need to forgive your abuser or that you are to blame for some part. This is not true, as you did nothing wrong. Be sure to surround yourself with a strong support network, whether that be with friends, family, or through counseling and support groups. Taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to recover. Remember that none of the abuse was your fault.

What Next?

While everyone at some point has heard the phrase “time heals all wounds,” the reality is that the process of recovery can feel incredibly frustrating. However, if you give yourself the time, you will begin to heal. Emotional trauma victims need to feel physically and mentally safe, but this is easier said than done. Fortunately, it is still doable: if you pay attention to words or situations that trigger you, you can avoid further trauma and anxiety. Find things that make you happy and rediscover hobbies and activities that you once loved. This will take time, but is crucial to your restoration from domestic abuse since you are finding out who you are again. Having come out of an abusive relationship, you already have the internal strength to make future challenges a little less scary. You are now free and strong.