Mental Abuse Tactics To Watch Out For

Do you you feel manipulated into doing or saying something, out of character, endure regular insults and rejection? Or do feel exploited by your near ones? You might be a victim of emotional abuse. Watch out for these 8 types of mental abuse or narcissistic tactics.

Abuse is not just physical. There are many other forms of abuse, such as sexual, financial, emotional, mental, and verbal. While some of the other forms of abuse are obvious, mental abuse can be difficult to spot.

It could start simply with a casual comment about anything: the design of furniture, opinion about a movie, or the car needing maintenance. The remark is taken out of context by the abuser to mean that they are disapproved by the victim in some way. The victim tries to explain that it wasn’t his/her intention, but they are off on a tirade, which ends in the victim feeling helpless as if he/she is losing his/her mind.

An abuse can come dressed in any way. Here are a few of the common abuse tactics, that are widely used. All you have to do is, Memorize these maneuvers, remain silent when they are being used, and end the conversation as soon as possible. This will keep you from being a victim of mental abuse.

1. Rage This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing. It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence.

2. Gaslighting Mental abusers lie about the past, making their victims doubt her memory, perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt. She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago.

3. The Stare This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it. It is designed to scare a victim into submission and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.

4. Silent Treatment Some abusers punish by ignoring. Then they let their victim “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though he/she isn’t to blame. This is to modify his/her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.

5. Projection They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion.

6. Twisting When abusers are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim apologize to them.

7. Manipulation A favorite manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to make their victim fear the worst, such as abandonment, infidelity, or rejection. Then they refute it and ask her for something she normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get him/her to agree to do something he/she wouldn’t.

8. Victim Card When all else fails, the narcissist resorts to playing the victim card. This is designed to gain sympathy and further control behavior.

These were eight types of mental abuse tactics that narcissists or toxic people use to gain control over someone, especially in relationships. Look out for them!

Additional info: How to stop blaming yourself for emotional abuse? It is common for victims of emotional abuse victims to blame themselves from time to time. Forgive yourself as it isn’t your fault but the abusers.

How do I focus on myself after narcissistic abuse? The first thing you need to do after narcissistic abuse is to forgive yourself. Then try to reflect and get in touch with your real feelings and focus on what’s best for you.

How to take care of yourself after abuse? One of the ways to protect yourself from emotional mental abuse is to create “emotional distance” from the person who psychologically or emotionally abusing you.

How to defend yourself from mental abuse? Unlike physical abuse there are no physical signs of violence or trauma, so mental and emotional abuse can be difficult to explain. One thing you can do is distance yourself to be safe and protected.

Lies About Narcissism We Tell Ourselves

1. False: Narcissism is uncommon.

Narcissism is all around us, and we all know narcissists. They are in our businesses, our churches, our health care systems, our schools, our government, our neighborhoods, and our families. Narcissists are fathers, mothers, siblings, grandparents, friends, pastors, doctors, therapists, judges, lawyers, teachers, coaches, entertainers, and politicians. Narcissism crosses all categories of country, culture, class, and creed. It is one of the great themes of art and literature and the main source of conflict in many of our films and television programs.

2. False: Talk of narcissism is sensationalized hype.

Narcissism is not new, not a fad, and not empty, exaggerated, or hysterical hype. A person with a narcissistic personality has profound developmental deficits and an oppositional personality structure. Narcissism and its most extreme form, sociopathy, are characterized by reactivity, a lack of self-reflection and emotional empathy, black-and-white thinking, compulsive denial and projection, distorted and grandiose self-beliefs, and an ongoing need to bolster the self by controlling, dominating, and degrading others.

3. False: Narcissists aren’t in my family.

Narcissism is part of the human condition, and most families have people who are narcissistic. They may or may not be in your immediate family, but they are most certainly in your extended family and/or ancestry.

4. False: We don’t know what causes narcissism.

For sociopolitical reasons, the psychological community has been slow to acknowledge that the primary cause of narcissistic personality disorder and other personality disorders is attachment trauma in childhood. There are always genetic and epigenetic factors in personality development, but insecure attachment is what gives rise to the unstable self-esteem, emotional alienation, lack of individuation, and grandiose compensations that drive narcissism. Parenting that leads to insecure attachment in childhood does not necessarily look like obvious abuse or neglect; it often shows up as enmeshment, indulgence, lack of boundaries, overpraising, and idealizing.

5. False: Narcissism is easy to spot.

Narcissistic behavior is sometimes obvious, particularly in its more flagrantly domineering and attention-seeking form. But most of the time, narcissism is cloaked. A defining feature of the narcissistic personality is a well-developed public persona designed to ingratiate, persuade, seduce, influence, win favor, and otherwise pass as benign. Narcissists conceal their selfishness, cruelty, and contempt for others for the simple reason that they would be called out and ostracized if they didn’t. Typically it is only those closest to narcissists who see their unmasked rage and antagonism. And with the cunningly covert narcissist, it can take family members decades (if ever) to see it for what it is.

6. False: Narcissists don’t intentionally hurt others.

Narcissists do intentionally hurt others. They are exactly the type of people who deliberately hurt others or who don’t care if they hurt others in the pursuit of what they want. Like the rest of us, narcissists know right from wrong, and they know when they’re doing harm. The narcissistic personality is a perfect storm for abuse. Repeat: Narcissists have an ongoing need to bolster the self by controlling, dominating, and degrading others.

7. False: We’re all narcissistic.

By virtue of having our own brain and body and the need to self-advocate, each of us can be prone to some narcissistic patterns. When under stress we may, for example, lapse into childhood defenses of denial or projection, manipulate to get something we want, or judge someone who appears different from us.

Pathological narcissism, by contrast, involves a lifelong pattern of neglectful and abusive behavior toward others, with a devastating impact on the abused. Driven by a desire to control, outdo, exploit, and humiliate others, narcissists compulsively distort reality, leverage vulnerability, violate boundaries, and project and blame-shift their own abuse onto those they abuse. They elicit a fear response, ranging from subtle to intense, in those around them, creating ongoing hyperarousal in family members that results in debilitating complex trauma, often perpetuated across generations. Complex trauma impedes healthy brain development and nervous system functioning, weakens immune response, lowers emotional and physical resilience, and leads to degraded health and lowered life expectancy.

Conclusion

These dangerous lies about narcissism lead people to misinterpret or overlook the disorder, to excuse and enable the behaviors that accompany it, and to miss or dismiss its impact. When we fail to acknowledge the destructive reality of narcissism, our families, institutions, and society at large suffer. We become inured to the patterns of abuse and fail to oppose it or, even worse, we gaslight and abandon the victims.

By recognizing and acknowledging that narcissism is pervasive even in our own families and communities, that it stems from insecure attachment, that it is intentionally masked, that it shows up at all levels of society, and that it induces debilitating trauma in those around it, we can create interventions to help prevent its emergence, protect and support family members, and safeguard our social groups and institutions.

What Is Dark Psychology: Most Common Techniques and Tactics of Manipulation

All of us have a dark side, which most of us try to control, suppress and hide from others. We all have a unique relationship with our dark side which can define the type of person we are. Dark psychology enables us to understand this relationship with the dark side of our consciousness.

What is dark psychology?

Dark psychology refers to the dark side of the human psyche and is primarily used to manipulate others. It is typically regarded as the psychological study and application of thought control and manipulation. Generally, psychology focuses on human thoughts, behaviors, emotions and actions. However, dark psychology focuses on strategies, tactics and techniques of manipulation, persuasion, coercion and motivation that can help a person to gain what they wish for.

Using these strategies can empower someone to control another person without making the victim aware of their intentions or actions. It can be not only beneficial for the person who uses these strategies, whether ethically or unethically, it can also restrict the abilities and independence of the victim and may even be harmful for them.

“Dark Psychology is both a human consciousness construct and study of the human condition as it relates to the psychological nature of people to prey upon others,” explains NYS licensed psychologist Michael Nuccitelli, Psy.D. A person using these tactics may be driven by psychopathic, criminal or other deviant intentions. All of us are capable of manipulating and hurting others but most of us tend to control our urges to act on such dark impulses.

However, it should be noted that dark psychology is not an officially recognized branch of psychology.

Dark psychology and manipulation

Dark psychology is used to great effect in social relationships, romantic relationships and even in business to gain power and control. However, it is not synonymous to brainwashing as it takes a lot of effort to apply and it doesn’t necessarily work on all targets. While it may help someone influence another person without their knowledge, the effect is typically not long lasting.

Here’s how dark psychology is used to manipulate others in different settings

1. Manipulation in social relationships Dark psychology can be used by manipulative individuals successfully by abusive people who are focused on manipulating and controlling others. Different techniques, tactics, processes and strategies can be used to persuade, convince, influence and manage others for personal gain. However, there is no doubt that such destructive behavior will come at the cost of the victims and targets. A person using dark psychology can;

Manipulate women by asking them to be independent, strong and to have the highest standards so that they are unsuccessful at dating and succumb to the moves of the manipulator

Exaggerate how they have helped others to boost their social reputation and to gain favors from others

Play the victim card to gain sympathy and favors by guilt tripping someone

2. Manipulation in romantic relationships A manipulative person can use an array of dark tactics to meet their own psychological, emotional and sexual needs by playing mind games with their romantic partner. In most dating or romantic scenarios, men control their female partners by;

Lying

Cheating

Deceiving

Making false promises

The man may lure the woman by promising a marriage or a happy future, but they are never ready to settle down when asked by their female partner. They only make promises about being committed without actually being committed or being in a relationship with their victim. They may also use another strategy known as chameleon manipulation where the man pretends to be the ideal partner, which makes it easier for him to gain control over the woman.

However, women can also manipulate men in dating and romantic relationships. Here the woman pretends to be inaccessible and unreachable which increases her desirability. By acting all high and mighty, the woman makes the man desperate for gaining her attention. The less interest she shows in him, the more the man chases her, making him vulnerable to invest more in the “relationship”, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. Now the man;

Pays more attention to the woman

Spends money on her by buying expensive gifts

Does favors for her even at the expense of his own happiness and reputation

Manipulative women also tend to use sex and physical intimacy as a way to controlling men, whether as a reward or as a punishment, as men are more inclined to seeking sex than women.

3. Manipulation in business Dark psychology can also be useful for business leaders as they can easily manipulate employees and customers for the betterment of their organization. For employees, a company may use certain jargons, phrases and terms like;

We are a family

Our employees matter

We win as a team, we lose as a team

These can motivate the employees to not only sacrifice their personal interests for the greater good, but also do so for a fraction of what they truly deserve for their efforts.

For customers, a company can use motivational phrases like;

The customer is always right

The customer is king/queen

We exist to serve you

Such strategies are used to make the customer feel like they are in charge and manipulate them into paying more for the product/service, brand value etc. Many companies also recruit managers and sales executives with ‘Dark Psychology Triad’ personality traits so that they can better manipulate their employees and customers.

How to use dark psychology: Commonly used Techniques and Strategies

Most of us are not interested in manipulating or harming others in our daily lives. We are inherently and socially programmed to suppress these destructive urges and to focus more on being kind, empathic and compassionate instead. However, many people experiment with and utilize dark tactics to subtly manipulate and persuade others for personal gains on a daily basis. Here are some dark psychology techniques and strategies that are commonly used by many individuals to gain control and power over others;

1. Lying and deceiving Lying to create a controlled narrative that the victim wants to hear. The manipulator can use partial truths, lies, false statements and even hide facts to gain favor from their victim.

2. Love bombing A manipulator will give excessive attention, admiration and affection to their target in order to get their guards down for personal gain. They can be overly affectionate, give a lot of compliments and praise and be extremely loving and kind, before manipulating and abusing the target.

3. Semantic manipulation It is a form of verbal abuse that involves relabeling or renaming behaviors, actions or things to confuse their victims. The manipulator uses terms with different meanings and distorts them to gaslight or manipulate their target to gain power, wealth or social reputation. The abuser may later deny the accusations of the manipulator when they get caught, claiming they meant it differently and the victim misunderstood them.

Other manipulative dark psychology tactics may include;

Denying or withholding love, affection and attention

Purposely treating the victim like a child to reduce their self-confidence and self-esteem

Avoiding the victim or giving them the silent treatment

Restricting the victim’s choice options to make them choose what the abuser wants them to

Using the victim’s fear and insecurities to control their behaviors and actions

Gaslighting the victim to make them question and doubt their own memory and sanity

Using reverse psychology to encourage the victim to do the exact opposite of what is being told, giving the victim the illusion of control and making them do what the manipulator wants them to

Who uses dark psychology?

According to Dr. Jason Jones, an organizational psychologist, best-selling author, and executive coach, dark psychology is mainly used by individuals possessing ‘Dark Psychology Triad’ personality traits, which involves the following;

1. Narcissism Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a psychological condition where individuals have;

A strong need for admiration & attention

An inflated sense of self-importance

Grandiosity

Egotism

A lack of empathy

According to a study, people with NPD are unable to maintain work and relationships as they are exploitative and take advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

2. Machiavellianism Machiavellianism is a personality trait associated with;

Manipulativeness

Cunningness

Cruel disregard for others

Indifference to ethics

Exploitative attitude

People with this trait can manipulate and deceive others and do whatever is needed to get what they want. They have no sense of morality.

3. Psychopathy Psychopathy is a severe personality disorder marked by;

Antisocial and criminal behavior

Lack of empathy and remorse

Recklessness

Irresponsibility

Dishonesty

Deficient emotional responses

People with this condition have low behavioral control, are selfish and impulsive, but tend to be highly charming.

Individuals who possess the dark triad traits are highly prone to using dark psychology for their personal gains and they do not care if others get hurt in the process.

Dangers of dark psychology

Dark Psychology is the study of human thoughts, emotions & perceptions which cause dangerous, harmful and predatory behavior. Psychologist Michael Nuccitelli, Psy.D claims that such behavior is intentional, goal-oriented, rational and purposive most of the times. However there may be certain exceptions where such actions can be without any purpose or specific goal. Someone may commit such heinous acts without any goals, such as sex, money, revenge, control, power etc. Hence, such behavior can be really difficult to explain clearly due to the complexity involved in dark psychology. According to Nuccitelli, dark psychology involves 3 specific aspects, namely;

1. The Dark Singularity It is believed that a certain fragment of the human consciousness motivates and empowers some individuals to brutally victimize others and engage in horrendous acts without any specific purpose or intent. This is known as the Dark Singularity.

2. The Dark Continuum According to the dark psychology theory, it is believed that every single person is capable of harmful intentions, atrocious behaviors & malevolent actions towards others. However, it can vary from intrusive fleeting thoughts and minimally inconvenient actions to psychopathic and harmful behaviors without any specific purpose. This is identified as the dark continuum.

3. The Dark Factor The dark factor involves “mitigating factors acting as accelerants and/or attractants” which drives someone to victimize others without any intent (Dark Singularity), where their behaviors and actions can range from minimally manipulative to homicidal (Dark Continuum). Dark psychology posits that such vicious and malicious behavior may be fueled by some anti-evolutionary and intrapsychic influences as humans are the only species who will hurt others for reasons not associated with food, procreation, territory or survival. Such behaviors are mostly unpredictable as it can be difficult to determine who will be able to suppress such fleeting urges and who might act on them.

Tenets of dark psychology

According to psychologist Michael Nuccitelli, Psy.D, dark psychology involves certain tenets that can help us better understand the concept and how it can be applied by someone. Here are the 6 tenets of this phenomenon;

1. A universal construct Dark psychology is a universal aspect of the human psyche that is observed across race, religion, culture, location, history, gender and age. This psychological construct has been widely present throughout human history and has greatly influenced our society. Even the most altruistic, kind and empathic people possess this capability to harm others without any purpose. However, they deliberately choose not to act on their destructive thoughts and violent impulses.

2. Lack of a clear purpose While humans typically have some triggers or motivations for committing a heinous act, dark psychology proposes that some human predators may manipulate and prey upon unsuspecting victims without any “definable reasons”. It is believed the more someone becomes truly evil, the more they lack a clear motivation or purpose. Although “pristine evil is never reached, since it is infinite, Dark Psychology assumes there are some who come close,” explains Nuccitelli.

3. Not necessarily psychopathy Dark psychology is often mistaken as perverted psychopathy, especially when someone actively engages in meeting their dark urges using dark tactics. While both psychopaths and people with uncontrolled dark urges engage in harmful behaviors, there exists a continuum of intensity in dark psychology that ranges from simple thoughts and mild manipulation to extreme harm, violence and victimization without logical reason.

4. Better understanding of human behavior Dark psychology allows us to get a clearer picture of the range of darkness and inhumanity we may possess as individuals, which is not always dependent on the brutality of a person’s heinous acts. Psychologist Michael Nuccitelli, Psy.D. talks about the crimes of psychopathic serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy as one of the basic examples of dark psychology.

“Both were severe psychopaths and heinous in their actions. The difference is Dahmer committed his atrocious murders for his delusional need for companionship while Ted Bundy murdered, and sadistically inflicted pain out of sheer psychopathic evil,” explains Nuccitelli. While both serial killers can be ranked high on the Dark Continuum, Dahmer’s actions were driven by his desperation to feel loved, while Bundy had no such motivations.

5. Everyone is capable of great evil Each and every one of us has the potential to reach infinite evil and be extremely manipulative, controlling, abusive, violent and destructive. While these behaviors are greatly influenced by internal and external stimuli and triggers, we usually have the strength to control these negative urges so that our dark psyche does not manifest to cause harm to others. Such predatory behavior is natural and innate and is often not based on reason or logic. Dark psychology is only observed in humans as no other animals act violently without a clear goal, reason or purpose.

6. Understanding dark psychology can lead to a better society Gaining a deeper knowledge of this human mental construct and identifying the underlying triggers and hidden causes can help us make our society safer. Humanity can lessen inherent dangers that can arise without warning from other human beings by effectively identifying and analyzing dark manipulation techniques and understanding who uses dark psychology.

Dark psychology can increase self-awareness

Understanding dark psychology can help us better understand ourselves as all of us are capable of great evil. When we know more about this psychological construct, we can identify the different manipulative tactics which can help us avoid becoming victims to manipulators and abusers and protect ourselves from harm.