Narcissistic Traits That Lead To Narcissistic Abuse

A narcissistic relationship is a most difficult thing to handle:

Without doubt, being in a narcissistic toxic relationship is a most difficult thing to handle, that is because it can be very frustrating and confusing to work out what is happening to you in this personal relationship. But that is the nature of narcissism and narcissistic abuse. However, when it comes to narcissistic abuse, prevention truly is better than cure.

If we want to protect ourselves from becoming targets for narcissists and their toxic narcissistic abuse, we all need to learn how to spot narcissistic behaviour so we can put down healthy boundaries from the start of the relationship (true boundary). That way we are less likely to be taken advantage of by these toxic individuals in what will most definitely turn into an abusive relationship (i.e. physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, etc.). Below is a list of some of the most common narcissistic personality traits found in this type of intimate relationship with a toxic person:

1) The Grandiose Narcissist:

Grandiosity is the hallmark of narcissism. A grandiose sense of self is usually the most outstanding and discriminating feature of individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Grandiosity can be expressed in an unrealistic overvaluation of talents and abilities; preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited beauty, power, wealth or success; and a belief in their unrealistic sense of superiority and uniqueness. Indicators of narcissism is in the narcissist’s conduct. Their grandiosity is accompanied by boastful, pretentious, self-centred and self-referential behaviour. The research shows that the grandiose narcissist exaggerates their talents, capacity, and achievements unrealistically. They believe in their invulnerability and do not recognize their limitations. The narcissist’s grandiosity (and magical thinking) leads them to believe that they are better than everybody else, therefore deserves special privileges and attention. These abusive people’s grandiosity leaves them feeling unrealistically powerful, important, invincible and therefore, highly dangerous.

​2) The Narcissist’s Sense of Entitlement:

Individuals with NPD have an absolute strong sense of narcissistic entitlement. Entitlement, when accompanied by a low sense of emotional intelligence, is likely to lead to toxic relationships. Narcissists feel entitled to certain things like attention, money, sex, and admiration. In addition, they will exploit their victim’s vulnerabilities for personal gain, leaving them with deep personal wounds. If the targeted victim does not acquiesce to their will, they will experience a terrorising personal attack at every level of the self (physical, psychological, and spiritual). Narcissists expect others, especially their narcissistic supply (victims), to provide them with what they want, if they fail the narcissist will take it as personal rejection and abandonment which will cause them to feel shame. When their shame is triggered it is likely to lead to a rage. Why do they act this way? Because, in their sickness they perceive themselves to be “special people”, and not the disordered person they really are.

The pathological narcissist operates between their Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personas. So, when you first meet a narcissist during the Idealising Phase, you will be introduced to their “False Self”; the wonderful, charming, and mesmerising Dr Jekyll. This is an illusionary self; a shallow façade that is a temporary fantasied self. However, underneath that façade lurks the narcissist’s “True Self”; the terrifying and controlling Mr Hyde. In the first phase of the relationship, the narcissist’s control seems benign, that is because it is deliberately wrapped up in what resembles loving, seductive behaviour, and therefore it is hard for the victim to spot. They appear to be lovely people, with positive traits designed to seduce the victim into thinking they have met their soul mate, and are embarking on a long-term relationship. But all is not what it seems. The Mr Hyde persona is only likely to show him/herself when the Devaluing Phase of the relationship begins (Phase 2). Before that, he/she will be kept hidden out of sight while their Dr Jekyll persona “hooks” the victim in their highly complex dance. These hooks bury deep into the victim’s psyche and are hard to remove (it is a slow painful business).

Entitlement is often associated with feelings of anger, resentment, jealousy, envy, and inferiority. These emotions cause the narcissistic individual to become hostile towards other people who don’t give them what they think they deserve. Narcissistic abusers are very skilled at manipulating their victims into thinking that they care deeply about them. They are also adept at convincing their victims that they are special and unique. In reality, narcissists are self-centred and see themselves as superior to everyone else. They take advantage of others’ weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and insecurities. They are often charming, seductive, and manipulative. Narcissists use their position of power over people to get what they want, usually at the expense of someone else. They may pretend that they care about you when they don’t care about you at all. They are extremely self-centred therefore, only think about themselves.

3) The Narcissist’s Manipulation:

Manipulation is another characteristic of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and narcissists are particularly fond of manipulating others into surrendering their firm boundaries and using them as narcissistic supply. Manipulation involves many behaviours, such as lying, deceit, and using charm to get what the narcissist wants from others. They will use flattery, guilt, fear, shame, intimidation, manipulation, and emotional blackmail to control others. Abusive narcissists also use manipulation as a defence mechanism for hiding their true intentions, for example, they use their charm and charisma to make people feel good about themselves. That way the victim is more likely to get hooked during the Idealisation Phase, and willingly do things that benefit the master manipulator. In other words, the narcissist makes themselves look like someone trustworthy, kind, honest, and sincere. They cunningly manipulate the target person into believing that they have their best interests at heart, which of course, is untrue. Probably their favourite tool of manipulation is ‘Gaslighting’. Gaslighting is the narcissist’s covert psychological aggression in which they will manipulate and erode their victims sense of reality, leaving them unable to trust even their intuition. This insidious form of mental abuse will eventually leave the victim reeling from the effects of gaslighting, leaving them feeling confused, compliant, drained, lifeless and easy to control. Remember, pathological narcissists only see people as objects that exist only to facilitate their desires.

4) The Narcissists Exploitativeness:

Exploitativeness (a personality trait) would seem to be the motivational engine that drives entitled people (narcissists) to get what they believe they ‘‘deserve’’. Narcissists are good at ’emotional recognition’ (reading other peoples positive and negative emotions). This emotional competency makes them quick to recognise hostile faces (negative affective states) and vulnerable faces (positive affective states). So, they instinctively know who to avoid and who to target (undesirable V’s desirable victims) when looking for a new source of narcissistic supply. There is a correlation between the narcissist’s exploitativeness and entitlement, these two dimensions go hand in hand with each other, becoming the narcissist’s modus operandi, and a predictor of their aggression.

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder exploit others for personal gain, without a moral compass they will take advantage of others’ weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Because they have an inflated sense of entitlement, they believe that they deserve special treatment or that what they do is more important than what others do. For them, because they are so special, the normal ‘rules’ of engagement do not apply to them. As narcissists are self-absorbed, their focus is only on themselves (rather than other people). They are unable to empathize with their victims because they are too busy focusing on themselves and their wants and needs. They also lack empathy due to a failure to understand the perspectives of others and will blame others for their shortcomings. What some people call taking advantage of others, the narcissist calls “taking care of myself”. So, if they can get the upper hand, in any situation, you can be sure that they will.

5) The Self-Absorbed Narcissist:

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are self-absorbed (egocentricity),who find it difficult to empathise with others. They focus on themselves rather than other people, and they make sure to call all the shots in their relationships. They are unable to empathise with others because generally, they are too busy focusing on themselves. Due to their lack of empathy, they fail to understand the perspectives of others. Narcissists are not attracted to self-absorbed individuals like themselves, that is for sure. They want to surround themselves with people who are compassionate and caring, people they can milk for their human kindness. When in a relationship with them, everything becomes a competition, a “convoluted dance” in action. Just like the Tango, one partner leads and controls the movement of the dance, while the other partner submits. The narcissist and the victim becomes locked into a pattern of one-up-man-ship, and one-down-man-ship, and the dance continues as long as both are willing to be dance partners.

6) The Arrogant Narcissist:

Arrogance is a trait of narcissism. It is characterized by conceitedness, haughtiness, and contemptuous behaviour. This leads to an exaggeration of the narcissist’s importance, allowing them to lord themselves over others. The narcissist’s exaggerated and excessive self-worth does a great job of chasing off their inferiority complex and replacing it with an outer veneer of superiority through their False Self. Narcissistic individuals are not open to taking advice, not because they are confident, but because they see others as incompetent. Their arrogance leaves them condescending and unable to bend, and the need to be always right. These patterns of behaviours go a long way to disguising their inner sense of vulnerability that is far too shameful to be seen by others. This, to a large extent, creates the narcissist’s typical arrogance that is all too apparent. Some of the ways the narcissists distract their thoughts of shame are through their fantasies of power, control, grandiosity, sense of entitlement, envy, and arrogance, this tends to leave them shame deficient, and likely to carry out shameless acts on their victims (their ‘narcissistic supply’).

7) The Narcissist’s Vindictiveness:

Narcissists are vindictive rageful individuals who harbour ill will against others, especially those who they perceive have abandoned or rejected them. Narcissists are black and white thinkers, which means, you are either with them or against them. As far as a narcissist is concerned, you are rejecting and abandoning them if you challenge them in any way (i.e., criticize them, give your attention to someone else, should you not do as they say, etc.). Should you wrong them (or fail to fulfil their need in any way), their vulnerable ego will perceive this as a direct threat to their self-worth. Should this happen, you will trigger their narcissistic rage, and they will surely want to get their own back on you. They may even turn to terrorising you as a means of revenge. The narcissist’s fragile ego can only survive by maintaining the illusion that they are superior to everyone around them. The narcissist’s primary objective is to maintain control over all aspects of their life, including their relationships. This includes controlling other people, such as family members, friends, coworkers, lovers, spouses, children, bosses, subordinates, and strangers.

8) Exploitation:

Narcissists are highly exploitative, they are always looking for victims to take advantage of for personal gain. They are quick to recognise narcissistic vulnerability in others. They will especially exploit that vulnerability by using manipulation tactics such as gaslighting or abuse of power (e.g., emotional blackmail) to control or manipulate. Because they need to be the centre of attention, they are constantly looking to “hook” a juicy victim as a fresh source of narcissistic supply. The narcissist’s prominent attitude is disdain, it arises from their absolute sense of superiority that allows them to exploit others for self-gain, and then discard them. The discard comes when the victim is perceived as being no longer useful to them. This may be because, as narcissistic supply, they are not forthcoming enough. The narcissist quickly becomes bored and begins the task of looking for a new source of narcissistic supply. The more supply they have, the more opportunities they have to exploit for self-gain.

9) Gaslighting, the narcissist’s covert aggression:

Gaslighting is a form of covert psychological abuse. Gaslighting is used by all pathological narcissists to instil in their victims an extreme sense of anxiety and confusion to the point where they no longer trust their memory, perception, instinct or judgement. The tactics used in this cycle of abuse are similar to those used in brainwashing, interrogation, and torture that have been used in psychological warfare for decades. The tactics include withholding, disconnecting, threatening, undermining, countering, trivializing, denial, minimising, blocking, diverting, accusing, swearing, ordering, blaming, judging, shaming, criticizing, etc. This is very different from the physical violence that is most often associated with narcissistic abuse, its goal is to manipulate the victim’s perception and sense of reality for personal gain. Unlike physical abuse, there are no physical wounds associated with psychological abuse or non-violent intimidation, making it a lot harder to identify. Furthermore, it does not carry the same social taboo as other forms of abuse, even though it may be more damaging to the victim’s mental health, as it is designed to erode the victim’s sense of reality.

10) Total Disregard of Boundaries:

A narcissist has no limits, they will do anything to get what they want. If you say “no” or try to stop them from doing something, they will ignore you or even threaten you with harm if you don’t comply. They will not take “No” for an answer.

11) Constant Need of Attention:

Narcissists have a constant need for attention from others to keep their egos inflated. They are addicted to a drug known as “Narcissistic Supply”, and it does not matter whether the supply is good or bad, what matters is that the supply brings adulation, fame, and celebrity that is constant, reliable, and predictable.

Conclusion:

The narcissist’s protected “selfism” guarantees that they evaluate most situations in terms of what they will gain from any exchange, and it is of absolutely no concern to them what others get from the relationship. Narcissists do not learn from experience, they repeat the same mistakes over and over again. He or she refuses to change his or her behaviour despite experiencing negative consequences. Many victims make the mistake of thinking that love is enough to bring about change in the narcissist….. that is a lethal mistake.

The Pathological Narcissist and their Victim Connect in Very Different Ways

Although the abuse that these two individuals (the narcissist and their victim) have experienced in childhood is quite similar, the personality of the pathological narcissistic (perpetrator) and the pathological co-narcissist (caretaking victim) becomes forged in very different ways, yet both are left feeling the ravages of agonising shame.

It is important to remember that a child’s behaviour never occurs in isolation, always it has meaning, whether it shows itself as being a narcissistic “bullying” personality, or as a co-narcissist “pleaser” personality.

How each individual child manages their shame is likely to be the underlying cause and a contributing factor of whether they become a narcissist (perpetrator) or a co-narcissist (caretaker/victim) in adulthood.

The pathological narcissist’s behaviour, as per The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) published by the American Psychiatric Association, can be recognised by the following 9 criteria:

(1) Grandiosity, (2) Power & Control, (3) Being special, (4) Needing attention, (5) Sense of Entitlement, (6) Exploitative, (7) Lack of empathy, (8) Envious, and (9) Haughty and arrogant.

The pathological narcissist’s shameless personality develops a grandiose sense of self-importance. Although they appear highly confident and superior individuals, underneath their ego is extremely fragile. Their delicate ego leaves them easily offended, and prone to spiralling rages.

To the confusion of the co-narcissist victim who is in the relationship with them, they too must live with the narcissist’s confusing oscillations as they go between their Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personas.

Because the pathological narcissist does not adequately complete their separation and individuation process due to their early childhood abuse, they seem to be unable to distinguish between their own self and others.

Clearly, they have no boundaries, this accounts for why they treat their co-narcissist victims as an extension of their self, and why they exert excessive control over them, to the point where both become overly enmeshed in each other. This often causes a lot of frustration and resentment in the co-narcissist (victim) as the dysfunctional relationship is forged.

However, the more they resist, the more the pathological narcissist increases the dominating control. Their need to control is driven by their sense of grandiosity, entitlement, and exploitation. So, when they give an order, they expect their co-narcissist caretaker (victim) to drop everything immediately.

They have absolutely no empathy for what the other may be doing or feeling at any given moment. Everything is about forging a connection with them, and any hesitation or resistance to jump to attention will be taken personally as an act of mutiny by the narcissist, and that is a punishable offence.

Furthermore, any independent action by the co-narcissist (victim) can become the justification for the narcissistic anger, retaliation, and revenge. The narcissist acts with superiority and contempt, and this can play a big part in their feelings of envy. When envy is directed at a victim it can be very dangerous.

The pathological narcissist cannot see anybody having anything that they do not have, this touches into their inferiority shame complex and triggers their shame anxiety, which is likely to release their rage.

What they really want is for others to envy them (i.e. their status, their possessions, their looks, their intelligence, etc.) only then are they truly happy.

In their grandiosity, you will often hear a narcissist saying that they had to end a relationship because the other person was envious of them, and they believe that fully. Of course, the opposite is the truth, they envied their victim for one reason or another, and then they could not handle the shame of their own inadequacy they had to get the victim out of their life.

Unfortunately, they are selfish, arrogant, demanding individuals, and everybody is nothing more than a pawn in their game. If their victim refuses to play the game, then they will be treated as an enemy, and they are likely to experience the narcissist’s rage to intimidate and control them into playing the game.

The co-narcissist’s (victim) over-identified personality characteristics, on the other hand, is in stark contrast to the pathological narcissist’s. Very often the co-narcissist, unlike the grandiose narcissistic, is a modest, gentle, and humble self that does not need to be the centre of attention or admiration.

Far from feeling “special”, their humbleness keeps them grounded, allowing them to respond to the needs and wishes of others; this is an unconscious defence they used to stay safe when under the control of their pathological narcissist.

Because of working so hard to please others, unfortunately, they become out of touch with their own needs and feelings. They prefer, for safety reasons, to fade into the background in their relationships, allowing others to have the limelight.

They tend to become over responsible, therefore likely to take the blame for any interpersonal problems in their relationships. They don’t look for attention or help for themselves but instead become serious problem solvers and rescuers at every opportunity for others.

The co-narcissist caretaker (victim) has no need to compete for the limelight. They learn early how to avoid trouble and further shaming by fading into the background and making themselves invisible, that way they are no threat to the narcissist they share their environment with.

They become little helpers to everybody, not just Mummy’s little helper (i.e. they do the shopping, put on the dinner, clean the house, be pleasing, etc.). They also help outside the home (i.e. running errands for neighbours, helping the teacher, looking after the younger or more vulnerable children in school, etc.).

Caught in a dangerous environment with a pathological narcissist (especially if it is their own home), these behaviours help the distressed child to regulate their self-esteem in a safe way.

However, all this responsibility takes their innocence away, and they tend to become like 20-year olds trapped in a 14-year-old’s body. With all the responsibility that they take on so young, they develop a high moral compass and an innate sense for distinguishing right from wrong.

Often, they become the voice of conscience when they see injustice towards others. They will fight for other people’s rights, and yet they don’t speak up for themselves most of the time. They don’t tend to handle conflict well; any confrontation makes them feel very unsafe and shameful.

Also, because they are highly empathic they are very sensitive to other’s pain, so when there is any disagreement, they are likely to back down rather than hurt another’s feelings or shame them.

People see them as harmonisers who bring peace to all situations, and although they do manage to do that very well, this is likely to cost them to lose their identity in any narcissistic relationships they form.

This is probably why they are like a magnetic force for pathological narcissists, who all want to be taken care of, and minded. It is easy to see why the co-narcissist, as caretaker, is so valued by the narcissist, at least for as long as they satisfy their needs.

Narcissism and Relational Abuse – Both Active and Passive

Certain personality types are more prone than others to be abusive and exploitative. Chief among these are narcissists and the aggressive personalities. But inasmuch as the aggressive personalities are inherently first and foremost narcissists as well, it’s probably best to focus first on this non-aggressive variant of the most disturbed characters among us and the types of abuse they’re prone to perpetrate in their relationships.

Narcissists are by definition inordinately self-absorbed individuals. They’re so largely focused on their own desires and concerns that they pay little attention to the concerns of others. They’re capable of showing great interest (If they see someone or something or someone they fancy and want to possess they’ll often pull out all the stops to seduce or endear), and this can easily be mistaken for genuine concern or regard.

They can even appear to dote upon or idolize a person or a thing but that doesn’t necessarily equate with having genuine regard. Most of the time, what’s really going on is that they see in someone else or something else an attractive reflection or extension of themselves. So, despite giving the appearance they treasure the person or thing they desire, it’s still really all about them and possessing something they believe reflects positively on them.

For the most part, narcissists exhibit a passive disregard for (i.e. they simply don’t concern themselves with) the wants, needs, and desires of others, including those they purport to love. But the more malignant their narcissism is, the more active their disregard of others’ concerns can become, wantonly crossing boundaries and exceeding reasonable limits with a disturbing sense of entitlement. But whether their disregard for others is active or passive in character, it can engender substantial abuse and exploitation in their relationships.

The sense of entitlement many narcissists have coupled with their penchant for possessive thinking can spell big trouble for any relationship. And the more malignant the narcissism is, the more deadly a form the narcissist’s possessiveness can potentially take.

Narcissists tend to “objectify” those they find appealing in some way and to regard the objects of their desires as “possessions” over which they seek to claim exclusive ownership (Samenow calls this an “attitude of ownership). For the narcissist, “owning” a prized possession is a positive reflection on them. Narcissists often base their self-image on appearing to others as someone to be revered or honored primarily because of all they possess as opposed to being a person of such character that they’re truly worthy of genuine respect or admiration.

The narcissist affords no real respect to the other person in the relationship or their legitimate wants or needs (especially emotional wants or needs). The person is merely an object they find desirable in some way (often, only for a limited period of time) and whom they feel they own (at least for the period of time they still find the person desirable). And in extreme cases such attitudes of ownership can take a most deadly form. All too many possessive relationships have ended in the horrific: “If I can’t have her (or him) then no one will!” scenario. But even short of that extreme there are many other abusive situations that can ensue, most of which are an outgrowth of the narcissist’s feelings of entitlement to do as he or she pleases with the object he or she believes is his or hers to possess.

Sometimes the abuse narcissists inflict on their relationship partners can be quite subtle, especially at first. For example, because in their own eyes they can do no wrong, when something bad happens, it’s always their partner’s fault. As a result, the partner can become the target not only the object of blame but also the target of the narcissist’s ridicule, disdain, maltreatment, gaslighting and even sadistic torment. Most folks who, for some reason, found themselves drawn to a narcissist early on begin really feeling regret at this point in the relationship. But this kind of abusive behavior often happens so subtly and incrementally that it takes a whole lot of being subjected to it before the victim finally sees the light.

Abusive Relationships: From Disregard to Dominance

Written by Dr George Simon

All abusive relationships have one thing in common – causing pain and breaking the heart of the person who loves the abuser the most. Most narcissists are so centered on their own interests that they don’t pay much attention to the wants or needs of others. But there’s a big difference between this relatively passive disregard and the very active disregard the more malignantly narcissistic and various aggressive characters display. Their disregard goes far beyond simply not caring very much to purposely wanting to hurt, exploit, manipulate, and most especially, to dominate those with whom they come into contact, and that makes this group capable of the most serious kinds of relational abuse.

I’ve written before about malignant narcissism and what differentiates it from the garden variety egotism of narcissists. All of the various “aggressive personalities” have this more malignant narcissism at the core of their personality (The most seriously disturbed aggressive personalities, such as the sadistic-aggressive and predatory-aggressive or psychopathic personalities have the most virulent form of this narcissism).

Aggressive characters not only see themselves as above others and therefore entitled to treat them as inferiors, but also are determined to dominate in all situations. It’s not just that they don’t respect any “higher power,” it’s that they always strive to be the highest power. They’re determined fighters who try to dominate in all situations, even when taking a more subordinate position would actually better serve their interest. And each of the various aggressive personality sub-types is prone to unique forms of abuse and exploitation in relationships.

I give the label “unbridled aggressive” to those disturbed characters who have often been called “antisocial personalities,” (and sometimes also called, although erroneously, “sociopaths”). These are individuals who have been openly “at war” with authority, the established rules, and even sometimes with God (if in fact, they profess a belief in God) for much of their lives. They know what most of the world expects from them but resist conforming. They can’t stand to accede to anyone else’s expectations or demands. Submission of any type is anathema to them, even if it would mean winning in the long run.

To them, any kind of capitulation is tantamount to personal annihilation. Such folks are very prone to all forms of abuse, including physical violence. They want their way and are determined to have it regardless of cost and no matter who might get hurt. For them, life is a contest and they must always emerge the victor. They always want to be on top, in control, and in charge. And while they submit to no one, they expect everyone else to be subject to them.

Many break the major rules of society and often spend a lot of time incarcerated as a result. But not all antisocial personalities are criminals. And while they’re prone to violating the major rules, not all get caught or sanctioned. Still, they go through life as undisciplined thugs. They’re also among those who, despite occasional sanction (e.g., police visits, arrests, restraining orders, confinement, probation, etc.) are generally undeterred in their aggressive, abusive ways.

Because their aggressive styles are so brazenly open and self-evident, and because mounds of trouble seem to follow them wherever they go, it’s always been baffling to me why and how anyone would even consider getting involved with unbridled aggressive personalities (many times, poor self-image or some degree of character deficiency is to blame).

And it usually takes no time at all before a person who’s become involved with such a character begins getting abused in some way. Unbridled aggressives are also like parasites in relationships, letting the more responsible party pay all the bills, carry all the burdens, etc. And when things don’t go to their satisfaction, they can never accept the idea it might be at least partly their fault, so they readily blame and take their frustration and hostility out on everyone else. While they’re a big societal problem to be sure, and while many of them even know this at some level, everyone else somehow pays the price.

It’s far more understandable to me how someone might fall prey to a slightly different variant of the “antisocial” type: the disturbed character and aggressive personality sub-type I call the “channeled aggressive” personality.

Not to be mistaken for assertive personalities, channeled aggressives run roughshod over others while generally keeping their aggression within legal limits and channeling it into socially acceptable endeavors. They modulate their overt aggression so as not to invite social or legal sanction but they are very different from healthy, assertive personalities in that they don’t really discipline themselves out of respect for the rights and needs of others (or as the result of a mature conscience). So they will cross boundaries, violate limits, and even transgress major norms if they feel confident they can get away with it.

These individuals are often tyrants in their own homes, capable of immense cruelty whenever their dominance is challenged. Because on first impression they can appear as persons who are merely strong, determined, and geared for success, they can seem the ideal partner early on in a relationship. Only when it becomes clear that daily life with them is a “my way or the highway” proposition does their abusive nature become more evident.

While there’s usually little trouble when all the troops know their place and fall into line when someone fails to heed one of their dictates or worse, challenges their dominance, there will generally be some kind of hell to pay. While these folks know how to rule the roost without crossing the major lines that might invite social sanction, when they sense their grip slipping, or when they think they can successfully avoid adverse consequences, they can easily become more openly brutal.