First relationships are full of surprises. Everything is fresh, everything is exciting, and part of the fun is seeing what each new day and phase brings. Dating as a teenager or young adult can also be a bit stressful, though. You might not have much to compare your relationship to—other than observing your parents or what you see on social media—so it can be tough to determine if something is “normal” or not. Each partnership has its own unique dynamic, but dating violence never has a place in a respectful relationship.
Dating violence is a type of intimate partner violence that can occur in person, online, or via other forms of technology. When you hear the term “violence,” you might automatically think of physical violence, but there are actually three additional ways that a person’s partner can influence their health, happiness, and overall quality of life.
The four main types of dating violence🌻Physical violence
When someone uses physical force to hurt or attempt to hurt a partner.
🌻Sexual violence
Forcing or attempting to force a partner to engage in a sex act when they don’t consent, are unable to consent, or refuse. This also includes non-physical sexual behaviors like sharing sexual messages or photos from a partner without their consent.
🌻Psychological abuse
Verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to emotionally harm and exert control over a partner.
🌻Stalking
A pattern of repeated and unwanted attention by a current or former partner that causes safety concerns for you or your loved ones.
Millions of students experience physical abuse from a dating partner each year, yet only 33% of teens in an abusive relationship ever tell anyone about the abuse. This article offers signs of an unhealthy relationship, how it affects your mental health, and how to leave a partnership that has grown toxic.
Healthy teen relationships vs. unhealthy teen relationshipsHealthy relationships are built upon mutual respect, trust, and honesty. You might not always agree on what movie to watch or maybe you sometimes wish your partner would get new friends, but you both see the importance of communication and compromise. Unhealthy relationships, on the other hand, are defined by disrespect and control. There's no one specific behavior that causes a relationship to be categorized as abusive or unhealthy, but there are certain signs that should raise red flags.
If you’re wondering if you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship, take a look at this list of unhealthy or abusive behaviors.
🌻Extreme jealousy or insecurity
🌻Invasions of privacy or constantly checking in to see what you're doing
🌻Bullying, threatening, or physical violence
🌻Preventing you from spending time with other people
🌻 Pressuring you into unwanted sexual activity
🌻Explosive temper, unusual mood swings, or unexpected bouts of anger
🌻Blaming you for problems in the relationship without taking any responsibility
🌻Falsely accusing you of things
What are the consequences of an unhealthy relationship?
Being in an abusive relationship can have some serious consequences, both in the short term and down the line. Teens who experience dating violence are more likely to suffer from:
🌻Depression and anxiety
🌻Tobacco, marijuana, and alcohol misuse
🌻Suicidal thoughts
Having a violent partner during adolescence has also been linked to poor academic performance, negative body image, and antisocial behaviors, like theft, lying, and bullying. In some cases, abusive teen relationships can even lead to death—especially for females. A study from 2019 found that teen dating violence poses a risk of homicide for adolescent girls, especially related to a breakup or jealousy and when partners have access to firearms.
How to leave an unhealthy relationshipIf you think that you or a loved one are in an abusive relationship, the time to seek help is now. Research shows that abusive behaviors in unhealthy relationships are more likely to increase over time, and abuse tends to worsen as the relationship progresses.
Today, only about one-third of teens who are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship confide in someone. The reasons that teens stay in these relationships vary, but some of the most common are that they're ashamed of the situation, intimidated into staying in the relationship, they lack the resources to leave, or they’re not sure where to seek help. This goes without saying, but we’re here to remind you that the situation is not your fault. Being on the receiving end of jealousy, threats, and anger can influence your decision-making skills, and it’s completely understandable to be concerned about how your partner might react.
🌻Create a safety plan so that you’re prepared for anything. A safety plan is designed to prioritize your safety during an abusive relationship, as you prepare to end it, or after you leave an abusive situation. These practical plans help you to explain your situation to others and include various resources suited to your individual circumstances. Learn how to create your own safety plan based on your daily routine, technology habits, and emotions.
🌻Confide in a trusted family member, friend, teacher, or mentor for support and guidance.
🌻Spend more time with other people you care about (and who care about you back). It can be tough to talk about relationship abuse, so staying in touch with friends and family members is crucial for emotional support.
🌻Connect with a counselor or therapist for professional mental health support.
