Post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS) is not officially recognized in the DSM-5, the main guide for diagnosing mental health conditions. However, it is considered a proposed syndrome within the broader category of PTSD. The concept of PTRS emerged as researchers studied individuals after the end of an abusive relationship and found symptoms similar to those observed in PTSD. PTSD develops in response to extremely stressful or traumatic events and is characterized by intrusive symptoms (such as flashbacks and recurrent nightmares) and avoidance symptoms (such as the avoidance of thoughts, situations, or people who remind you of the trauma). Many of these same symptoms are seen in people with PTRS.
There is still a lot to learn about the effects of PTRS specifically. What is known is that PTRS differs from PTSD in that avoidance symptoms may be largely driven by trauma-related shame as opposed to trauma-related fear or horror. This appears true even if there was physical or sexual violence in the relationship. As with PTSD, avoidance behaviors appear to make symptoms worse by reinforcing the belief that even thinking about the trauma—or your feelings of shame—will somehow harm you.
Signs of Relationship TraumaEnding an abusive relationship is just one step in the process of healing from an unhealthy situation. Relationship trauma can cause intense emotions like rage and anger toward the abusive partner. You may also experience fear, guilt, shame, disgust, and sadness when recalling the trauma.
Signs of relationship trauma may include:
Flashbacks: These are vivid, intrusive thoughts related to a traumatic experience. They can be very distressing and make you feel like you’re reliving the event.Feelings of fear or distress: You may experience emotions like anger, fear, stress, or anxiety, which might lead you to avoid situations, events, or people that trigger these feelings.
Guilt and shame: These feelings can make you feel isolated or detached from others, complicating the formation of meaningful relationships. Associated emotions may include hopelessness, stress, anger, or fear.
Nightmares: Trauma can cause sleep disturbances, making it hard to fall or stay asleep. You might also have frightening dreams related to the trauma.
Trust difficulties: The abusive nature of the relationship can lead to mistrust in yourself and others, complicating the development of new relationships.
Feelings of suspicion: After experiencing boundary violations, you may become deeply mistrustful and suspicious of others, leading to heightened awareness of your surroundings and interactions.
Why It Happens
The National Domestic Violence Hotline explains that violence and abuse in intimate relationships happen when one partner uses tactics to control, manipulate, or exert power over the other. In addition, stressful life events, a history of trauma in the abusive partner’s life, and drug or alcohol use can escalate dangerous situations and abuse in relationships. Abusive and harmful behaviors cause an imbalance of power and equality in a relationship. It also diminishes safety, which may create a persistent fear of experiencing abuse or extreme anxiety about abuse in other relationships.
Some ways in which an abusive partner creates unhealthy and dangerous dynamics include:
Physical, emotional, or sexual abuseBelittling, insulting, or bullying behaviors
Threatening to harm a partner or loved ones
Emotionally and physically isolating a partner from their support system
Limiting a partner’s autonomy or ability to make choices for themselves and act with agency
Controlling their finances or other means of being independent
Intimidation with weapons
Destruction of personal property
Keeping a partner from being able to seek help when needed
Gaslighting (manipulating reality to make a partner question themselves)
Stonewalling (not communicating with a partner or giving them the “silent treatment”)
Love-bombing (attempting to influence a partner through shows of love and affection)
What Is Trauma Bonding?
Sometimes in an abusive relationship, trauma bonding can occur. This happens when the partner experiencing abuse feels an attachment to the abusive partner. Feelings of sympathy toward the abusive partner may lead the other to rationalize or justify their behavior, which can perpetuate the cycle of abuse.
How to Heal From Relationship TraumaRelationship trauma does not develop overnight, so it’s important to keep in mind that healing may take time.
Strategies to focus on during the healing process can include:
Cultivating an environment that feels emotionally and physically safeIdentifying and establishing boundaries
Building a support system with trusted individuals
Communicating your needs
Engaging in activities that help you feel calm and safe
Practicing self-care through balanced meals, regular sleep, and movement
In the end, you are the best judge of when it feels healthy to share your history of trauma with others. While some people may want to open up early, others may choose to wait until they have a better sense of how supportive and non-judgmental a confidente might be. This is especially true when the confidente is a potential or current partner.
If you decide to disclose to your partner, set the ground rules by asking your partner to listen and not to ask any questions. This helps avoid statements that might inadvertently sound like you’re being blamed or judged. There are definite benefits to sharing. It can be an opportunity to talk with your partner about your emotional needs, boundaries, communication styles, and ways to resolve conflict together. Sharing allows you to move forward in a relationship with a stronger sense of trust.
