But regardless of “verified” or more obvious symptoms that are discussed directly in the manual, learning how to comprehend narcissistic people’s garish behaviors and to be able to [for lack of a more accurate, descriptive phrase] “spot narcy people in the wild”, are two key learning points, noting education truly is key to Narcissistic Abuse recovery.
With that said, and making little further ado about nothing, please consider the following obvious — yet, still, not that obvious — truths about people who score high on the NPD rubric the fine folks at the DSM5 make a subtle reference to in their literature but fail to consistently or adequately describe. It’s important to note the following behavioral evidence tend to represent unilaterally in all people who are either extreme narcissistic thinkers or who have NPD personality types:
Oddly enough, many people who are born and raised by narcissistic parents and who have conformed with toxic peers tend to develop core belief systems about the way the world works, how human beings left to their own devices will act, and that helps them blend in with narcy factions (in essence, allowing them to survive alive). If you see yourself in any of these red flags or warnings about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and it upsets you rather than making you proud, chances are you do NOT have NPD.
People with NPD are considered untreatable by most professionals for a reason. They are not SICK. The choices and actions they make while self-promoting at the expense of others make those closest to them sick. There is a huge difference.
People with NPD are compulsively grandiose and socially competitive. They are absolutely convinced that self-promotion at the expense of others they care about as well as the collective whole of humanity is the only way to succeed in life or to feel (at least to them) like a win.
Unable to process the full range of human emotion, they are forever limited to a narrow range of shallow emotional and psychological conception. They are the bare-bones version of a feeling or thinking human being, the kind easily dazzled by shiny objects and perpetually confused by other people’s discussion of personal reflection or sharing emotion.
Narcissistic people are foolish enough to think holidays like birthdays and Christmas are celebrations related to status-seeking. Compulsively striving to fit in but never quite getting it, they are the individuals who, like the Who families the Grinch lamented were truly responsible for ruining St. Nick’s world-famous Christian celebration, compete (rather than collaborate) with neighbors when displaying holiday lights.
Narcy people — those who strive to emulate or socially compete with people who actually have full-blown NPD — are the Narcissist’s fan club and most loyal Flying Monkey Supporters. Such people, born and raised to be true Enablers, are typically co-dependent, co-narcissistic, and believe the rhetoric Narcissists and Sociopaths unilaterally put out.
Their claim is, “Get real!” — inferring that life, as Sir Thomas Hobbes once asserted, is of poor quality, solitary, nasty, “brutish”, and short. Believing the hype that helps keep Cluster B people in control of the government, business industries, and toxic families, it is their free-will choice to actively engage in supporting the Leviathans that rise to power over those who choose to live such socially and morally deficient lifestyles that actually define their own unique family cultures and lifestyles.
But here’s the thing. Life is crappy for people who surround themselves with abuse.
Abusive people tend to have Cluster B personality disorders. Those who support abusive people tend to be willing Enablers.
Eliminate both psychological types from your inner circle immediately without remorse or hesitation if and when you wish to heal. If you come from a toxic family who lied and told you fairy tales like “Till death do us part” with an Abuser was a noble, healthy, or spiritually success-oriented ideal, all you are likely to do is live out your life absolutely miserable but with Stockholm Syndrome, died in the wool Narcissistic enabling and socially supporting zeal.
The light at the end of the Narcissistic Abuse recovery tunnel is not the oncoming train most narcissistic and sociopathic people who are desperately afraid of losing their preferred scapegoats and abuse targets would like you to fear. Once people disconnect from toxic family members, abusive romantic partners, and egocentric or clueless friends, there is a period of adjustment time, yes — but after 18-24 months of NO CONTACT the mind, body, and soul finally start to push a human reset button.
People raised by toxic families tend to all develop C-PTSD issues that plague them throughout life unless the origin of their own toxic thinking patterns can be exposed. Once recognized, any person — Abuser or abuse victim — has a choice whether or not to heal mindfully and learn how to deal.
Those with NPD, ASPD, BPD, or HPD are the least capable human beings on earth with regard to productive self-reflection. They are also the most insistent that life is a competition, and claim those who fail to live according to that standard of success measurement are “losers”.
We respectfully proffer this post as a negation of their claim. How do we know that narcissistic people are full of shit and socially manufacturing chaos in the minds and lives of any person who listens to them then decides to willingly, actively engage in promoting gaslighting?
Because in the dumbing down of the sheeple populous, fear mongers and narcissistic predators strive to place themselves in positions of power and authority. It is only through human beings’ willingness to engage and show respect for their subjective opinions and ridiculously illogical assertions that they, the socially blood-thirsty beasts, ascend to their respective thrones as Scar did in the Disney movie “The Lion King”.
If you pray to a false god or worship a golden idol, your life is likely to FEEL nasty, poor, brutish, and LONG (not short). Those who opt to view the world through a different set of eyes tend to love love, to value human companionship, to enjoy things like sensory stimulation, and to revere things like love and friendship.
People who figure out that collaboration and healthy thinking is key to both health and psychological well-being tend to place less value on extending life than they do actually on living it to the fullest. There’s no YOLO sentiment in a healthy person, driving them to compulsively self-indulge or over-indulge in order to win some status-seeking, by the numbers social competition.
How many shots you did at the bar last night is not likely to impress a normal, non-narcy, pro-socially wired human. Neither is the size of your mortgage, the cost (rather than quality) of a frock, or how big the token compensatory car payment.
Understanding that Narcissistic people value different things and hold a core belief that socially speaking, all life is competitive, they (meaning Cluster B people) create the illusion that they are in the lead and are socially powerful. Take away their psychic street cred people in toxic families were trained to believe as children and suddenly they appear to be nothing more than carnies, circus monkeys, and ringleaders who truly are nothing more than pompous hucksters in shiny hats.
In order to gain a true perspective on life — embrace the notion that we all have the power individually and collectively to socially create and manifest our own personal reality. If you are stuck-stuck living in a culture where it’s difficult to move away from mean people, understand that keeping your mind (and the minds of your children) thinking with hope and optimism for world healing is the simplest way to take back power and control over your life.
Are you likely to be able to change the current generation of Cluster B people? No. But what you can do is remain vigilant for signs an Abuser is behaving irrationally, making illogical statements designed to manipulate other people’s emotions for their own gain, or that they are actively devolving [i.e. escalating]. You can also learn to keep abusive personalities out of your inner circle, your private life, and certainly out of your thoughts.
Never rent space in your head striving to respect the subjective opinion of people who are a toxic mess. Be the change you want to see. Speak frankly with your kids about toxic thinking patterns that are commonly held as true beliefs. And get yourself to the point where when and if you use educated discernment to compare and contrast personality types that you don’t stop or feel guilty about doing so because some egocentric Abuse Enabler tries to tell you that you cannot use reason and logic to socially protect yourself from THEIR crap.
It’s not being “judgemental” in a narcissistic way to notice other people’s behavioral or psychological patterns. It’s healthy to set and enforce boundaries that use RATIONAL COMMON SENSE (redefining judgment) to protect themselves from harm, including exposure to toxic or traumatizing influences without feeling bad.
Hopefully, that specific point — arguably more than any other — should emerge as an obvious truth. It’s a fact. You are who you decide to be…
