Ironically, a narcissist is charming AF, in the beginning, of course! Once you gradually start to get intimately involved with them, you will desperately find yourself searching for an exit, but unfortunately, there’s no exit to being in a relationship with a narcissist, except for one(will be discussed later in this article). These people are highly intelligent, optimistic, and lack conscience.
They’re able to use their charm and manipulative techniques to get what they want from others—whether it be families, friendships, relationships, cults, the workplace, or even politics. They have the capacity to mold themselves in the personalities they want to be, to acquire whatever they want from almost anyone they wish to. This is their unique power and they use it to their fullest advantage.
But that’s the thing about narcissists. They can try to fool you, with all their heart, but in the end, they’re just fooling themselves. ― Ellie Fox
Once they have acquired and used you, for everything they desire from you, you are ready to be taken to the dumping ground. But, wait. Before that, you need to patiently watch their drama and applaud for the efforts they have put to play with your emotions. Here, are some of the common phrases that narcissists use, in their last try to completely break you:
1. “Stop overthinking everything.”
Definitely there are people who really DO overthink situations, words, and actions of others. But when a narcissist says this to you, if you retrospect you will realize that you were actually not over-analyzing. Instead, you were factually correct. They will intentionally engage in activities that piss you off, hurts you and then they will prove you that you are an on-edge paranoid, suspicious person. Take, for example, they will openly display their affection for their ex and when you complain, instead of feeling guilty for their behavior, they will make sure you feel guilty, apologizing on your knees, for your ‘cheap’ behavior of doubting their love for you. Suprise Suprise! You will finally find them cheating on you with the same person you doubted on. Narcissists are masters of manipulation. All of it is to merely protect their wounded ego. They will make you question your intuitive abilities just to prove you wrong. If you protest, they will make sure you feel guilty and lose your self-confidence.
2. “Give up on your melodrama.”
They don’t like drama, yet you find them the center of drama, everywhere they go. Narcissists have a way of flourishing you with lots of affection, attention, care, and consideration in the courting phase. By doing so they are simply building a platform to get into your good-books. Narcissists are never consistent with this idealization phase. They will soon begin to find faults in you, start criticizing and blaming you for everything you do. The care and attention you once bestowed upon them will gradually start to irritate them. Everything is fine until you start to mention your concerns regarding them. If you do that, they will display their frustration, and let you know how much they detest drama. You will be blamed for becoming the drama-monger that you are definitely not. All they want then is mental peace.
3. “You are too sensitive to deal with”
Narcissists manufacture emotions in others – that’s exactly what they do. A narcissist will shower you with the flattery, appreciation, love, and attention that you forever wished for and will suddenly disappear for days together, to keep disconnected from you. When you finally make contact, if you display your rage and disappointment, they will make sure to use those manufactured negative emotions on you. They will blame you for being too clingy and needy. If you’re not lucky enough, they will even tease, joke, laugh and mock at your behavior. “You are such a cry-baby.” “It is impossible to handle such a sensitive person like you.” Within weeks, psychopaths can turn an exceptionally easy-going person into an unrecognizable mess of insecurities and self-doubt.
4. “You never understand me.”
Every healthy relationship has miscommunication and misunderstandings from time to time. These get resolved once both have a conversation about it. With a narcissist, things are a bit different. They will at first lie to you, stage up circumstances to prove you wrong and insane. This technique is known as gaslighting. Once you start disbelieving, questioning them, and have confidence in your own self, they will turn the blame wheel towards you. “You think I am lying? You will never understand me.” If you are a peace lover, you will without a doubt apologize for your behavior to reconcile as they make a quick happy dance in their mind. “I won.” It is natural to start questioning oneself “Am I really getting crazy?” when repeatedly gaslighted but believe me you are completely fine.
5. “I hate being with a crazy/bipolar/jealous lover like you.”
According to a narcissist, every ex they ever had was a crazy, manipulator, jealous, and emotionally unstable person. They were always perfect, yet they have been exploited, used, and dumped by their exes. Name-calling is another technique they use to take control of you. Your reaction is all they wait for. This way they get a chance to complain about how crazy you are, entirely plaguing their life and destroying their tranquil. Once done, they won’t falter twice before tossing you in that very same “crazy” bucket, continuing their never-ending cycle of idealizing and devaluing anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path.
How do you get out of this mess?
“You cannot change a person with a narcissistic personality disorder or make them happy by loving them enough or by changing yourself to meet their whims and desires. They will never be in tune with you, never empathic to your experiences, and you will always feel empty after an interaction with them,” Grace says. A narcissist will never experience a fulfilling relationship, as they believe nothing is cut out to be worthy enough of them. So the only way to get rid of these people is to go no contact. As Grace says, “The best thing you can do is cut ties. Offer them no explanation. Offer no second chance. Break up with them and offer no second, third, or fourth chance.”
Block them out of your social media handles and from all aspects of your life. You will find it very difficult in the beginning but with time as you initiate to heal, you will understand that that was the best decision of your life. Often when narcissists are showing these loud signs, it’s a subtle premonition of what is about to come – destruction. Do not avoid these signs. The sooner you take action, the faster you heal.
