Signs You Have a Narcissistic Family Member
When there are signs of narcissistic parents or siblings in a family dynamic, it can certainly lead to a lot of frustration and turmoil. In parents, it can be hard to have your needs heard or met, and with narcissistic siblings, you may be the scapegoated child or be pitted against the other siblings whose narcissism is demanding more time from the parent.
Some signs you have a narcissistic family member include:
Your family member is gaslighting you: Narcissistic gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where a person intentionally distorts the truth in order to manipulate someone. A narcissistic family member or parent may gaslight you, using this technique to try to convince you that events transpired differently from the way you remember them to cover their abusive behavior.
Love is conditional: Instead of giving love unconditionally, your family member makes you feel that you are not worth love unless a condition of theirs is met. You may have to earn their love through praising them.
They’re self-centered: Your family member makes everything about themselves and cannot handle not being the center of attention, even in the midst of tragedy. They may use narcissistic phrases like, “You’re overreacting,” or, “You’re so insecure.”
You were silenced: Whether it’s stating how you feel or sharing what you need, you are silenced and ignored and made to feel that you don’t matter. Long term this can become very traumatizing.
You feel confused: Feeling more self-doubt and unsure of your reality is a sign that you have a narcissistic family member who is gaslighting you.
You are anxious around them: Whether the anxiety comes from being around them, not knowing what to expect or fearing their anger, it may be a sign that you have a narcissistic family member. You may feel anxious about what will happen if they are not pleased with something you did or said.
They have other unhealthy relationships: If your family member is talking poorly about others in front of you, name calling them, taking advantage of others, becoming aggressive at others and showing jealousy of others, it’s likely that they are a narcissist.
They were always right: If your family member expects you to always agree with them, side with them and back them up, it’s likely they are narcissists.
You carry the weight: If your family member makes you feel that you are responsible for their happiness, such as you always validating how they feel and shouldering their depressed feelings, it’s likely they are a narcissist.
They love-bomb you: Love-bombing is when someone uses excessive attention and admiration to gain trust. Narcissistic family members may do this in order to win your favor to provide them with praise. This praise fills their narcissistic supply, which is their constant need for admiration.
How to Deal With a Narcissistic Family Member
Learning how to deal with a narcissist, especially a narcissistic parent or narcissistic family, member is no easy task. Most of the time, the only solution is to cut this individual off from your world so they don’t have access to you to continue using you. This may not always be an option for many reasons. If this is the case and you are not able to cut this individual out of your life, here are 10 tips to deal with a narcissistic family member:
1. Establish a Safe Space During Heated Moments
Have a safe space you can retreat to. It’s important to feel safe and having a place where you can go, whether it’s in the home or outside the home, is going to be very helpful for you while you maintain your stance.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Narcissists will always try to push your boundaries, so setting clear and firm boundaries gives you leverage to lean on. Setting healthy boundaries can help you prioritise your own needs over those of your narcissistic family member.
3. Avoid Conflict
If at all possible, try to simply avoid conflict and think about what the gain is for you to engage in the conflict. Now, the goal of this is to not succumb to whatever the narcissist wants, but more about protecting your peace.
4. Accept & Let Go
You won’t be able to change the narcissist in the family, and being able to understand this and relieve yourself of the responsibility to do so will let you move forward.
5. Read Books on the Topic
Reading other’s stories on how they coped with these relationships in the family and how they survived can be both inspiring and educational and can give you a new perspective on ways you can cope that you may not have considered before.
6. Build a Support Network
Having friends, a therapist, and relatives outside of the immediate family can be very helpful for you as you will need a lot of support when dealing with a narcissistic family member. People who support you and give you unconditional love is something that will help keep you going.
7. Have Self-Compassion
With the same token, be kind to yourself since the narcissist is already being very negative towards you. Taking a break on yourself and having self-love is critical when dealing with a narcissistic family member.
8. Begin Journaling
Journaling is a great way to channel emotions and also keep a record for yourself of what happened during intense moments. Having this record can be helpful if you are feeling confused or are being gaslighted–it can be the source of truth to journal with the date and time of your entries.
9. Make an Exit Plan
If it’s possible to work towards leaving or cutting this person out of your life, it’s important to start with an exit plan and think about what you need and want before you leave. Sometimes leaving is the only solution.
10. Speak With a Therapist
Speaking with a therapist about this is an important step to always consider, even if you are practicing all of these other ways of dealing with the narcissistic family member. Therapists can give an objective view and help you feel more empowered in your situation and build up your self-esteem to be able to better deal and cope, or even to help you craft an exit plan.
